Hating the World: Overcoming Cynicism (Aleiyah Aguero)
Here is the hard truth: sometimes you create your own problems. Speaking from experience. It may feel easy to expect the worst of people and of the world, considering how much negativity we see on a daily basis, but wallowing in self-hatred and forcing yourself into self-isolation is not the way to go about handling it. Last year, I found myself hiding away in my dorm room away from the rest of the world for several reasons: I felt out of place on my campus, I couldn’t connect with anyone, and I was jealous and afraid of others and their opinions. And, in all honesty, my isolation was also a defense mechanism, even if I struggled to admit it. Subconsciously, I know I was trying to protect myself from the world beyond my door, to avoid inevitable pain and disappointment at the hands of others. But, over the past couple of months, I have come to the realization that I had made my judgment too quickly; the world beyond my door actually had a lot of good to offer.
At the start of this semester, I met a girl in one of my classes who I immediately disliked for no apparent reason. She was outspoken and opinionated, intelligent and friendly, yet my initial reaction to her presence was to avoid her. When she would come to class and ask questions during lecture, I would feel myself getting annoyed, resulting in an irritation to be associated with everything she did. There was no real reason for me to feel this way--she had done nothing to me and she seemed to be an objectively good person. Regardless, I disliked her, and when I was paired with her for a group activity, I sighed and braced myself for an uncomfortable interaction.
However, as soon as she started talking, I immediately felt embarrassed: she was sweet and observant, taking the time to listen to my perspective on the class content, and I found myself realizing that my initial perception of her was entirely flawed. In retrospect, I learned that I was too quick to judge and that my pessimistic outlook on the people around me was merely a reflection of my own issues, not my peers’. I realized that I tend to look at a lot of the people on my campus with disdain for no real reason, and that this is not a healthy mindset to have. Ultimately, this one interaction reframed my entire perception of those around me for the better, and helped me recognize the fact that I had to start working on my own outlook.
It is easier said than done, though. With Election Day having recently passed in America, I found myself falling into a pit of cynicism and frustration. Regardless of one’s political stance, I think we can all agree that this election has brought the worst out of some people, on both sides of the aisle. Social media is in an uproar, my college campus is on edge, and I have even found myself engaging in some heated debates online with no clear conclusion. However, as many activists have been noting, this anger and dissatisfaction can and should be channeled towards positive causes: rather than silently festering and withdrawing from society, one can instead use this passion and engage in their community, participating in local elections, attending marches and protests, and so forth. The easiest option will always be to hide away from a world that seems to beat you down, but on the other hand, rejection can be used as a powerful motivating force to foster positive change. Looking at the current social and political sphere with optimism and fervor rather than with dejection has certainly changed my perspective for the better.
The current social sphere is not the only reason to lean towards withdrawal. After a long time of looking at the world through a negative lens, it is difficult to crawl out of that cave. Recently, my life has been an absolute mess. I have been overworked, overwhelmed, and overstressed. I’ve been feeling myself slip away more and more and I’ve lost interest in dealing with my responsibilities and hobbies. Despite this, though, I force myself to push through and to do the best that I can because I know that this feeling won’t last forever--I always remind myself of the times when I thought I’d never get through, the ones that I eventually overcame, and the beautiful moments I got to experience afterwards. Personally, that keeps me going. It doesn’t make the stress or tasks disappear, but reassuring myself that I will look back at the time period that I’m in a year from now and laugh at how aimless I felt does provide some solace.
Apart from environmental factors, I have also come to realize that a person’s outlook is often shaped based on one’s upbringing. Looking back on my life thus far, I recognize that a lot of my pessimism comes from what was modeled to me by my parents and my home life. While I can’t blame my family for being cynical, as I know that they endured a lot, pinpointing where I got my behaviors from has certainly aided my journey in reframing my mindset. Taking mental health diagnoses into account can also be important, as not only can this lead to a literal chemical imbalance in the brain with consequent sadness, but dealing with stigmatized conditions in a society that does not reward them can add onto an already stressed state of mind. While taking a moment to accept these things may not entirely solve the problem itself, finding the root of the issue can serve as a place to start working towards improving it. I am certainly not a psychologist, but if therapy and medication are available and useful to you, I think that is a good place to start in unpacking deep-rooted cynicism. And if they are not, journaling or talking to a friend can make a world of difference, too.
Additionally, forcing myself to enjoy the small things in life has been a life-changing method of combating my poor outlook. I have spent too much time being wary of those around me and taking the simple things for granted, as I am sure many others have. I took my morning coffee, my possessions, my experiences, and my interactions for granted. In thinking about it, I am very thankful for the place that I’m at in life, and not just on a grand scale--taking a moment to sit outside before class every day and look at the flowers outside my building, as silly as it sounds, has made me so much more appreciative and positive in my outlook. Many people have said it in recent years, but romanticizing life rears amazing rewards. Not only does it provide you with little moments of joy and greater appreciation for the world around you, but it makes you look at every single thing you do with fresh eyes.
Lastly, I have learned to start giving people the benefit of the doubt. While I still struggle with this, and often find myself making assumptions about those around me, I try to make a conscious effort to start every interaction with a clean slate and to assume that the people I encounter with have good intentions. Can this potentially lead to being hurt or disappointed? Yes. But, I think it is a risk worth taking, as giving people the benefit of the doubt can lead to very beautiful friendships and connections. Not only that, but it improves your own sense of self and can facilitate greater self love.
Ultimately, life is hard. The world is scary. But that does not mean we all should lie down and accept it. If you do not see beauty, kindness, and light in the world, then be it. We all must shine in order to make the world a better, brighter place--a place where things aren’t so scary. Being that light can lead others through the darkness and it can show you the way to happiness and fulfillment. It is not easy, but it is worth a try.
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