Long Distance Relationships (Brandon Alago)

It’s safe to say that not everyone believes in long distance relationships. For years I myself thought that they were a waste of time and doomed to fail. That opinion has changed drastically. I have been in a long distance relationship since September 2022, and my relationship is still going on very strong. I live in New York City, and my girlfriend lives in Berlin, Germany. There are plenty of challenges that relationships face, and being long distant adds a whole other layer on top of them.

So what other challenges does long distance bring to the table? Well depending on the distance, it can result in different timezones. Berlin and New York City have a six hour time difference, so you can imagine how infuriating that can be at times. In order to overcome this obstacle, everyone in the relationship needs to be open to scheduling, and possess strong time management skills. They will also need to be willing to either wake up earlier, or go to sleep later from time to time. A relationship that involves different time zones will sometimes result in everyone being awake at hours that they’re not used to, or at least having calls at odd times of the day. I used to work from 7:00AM - 3:00PM Monday - Friday, and sometimes my girlfriend would act as a wake up call for me at 5:30AM, and we would be on the phone for about 45 minutes to an hour before I had to get on the train to work. It was a cute and effective way to make some more time for each other in our day. We also scheduled days when we could have calls with each other, and had designated days of the week for those calls.

Time management and scheduling is extremely important in long distance relationships. My girlfriend and I are extremely busy people. Since we’ve been together, we juggled our relationship while also being in school, and having jobs. When we got together in September 2022, I had just started going to school again as a part time student, while I went to work full time. She on the other hand had a part time job, but was a full time student. We both were also involved with extracurricular activities that added to our busy schedules, so adding a long distance relationship into the mix was a risky decision, but one we’re both very thankful for. Our schedules are still very chaotic, but we still do our best to make time for each other.

My girlfriend and I learned at the beginning of the relationship that it is crucial to always know the next time you and your partner are going to see each other in person again. Knowing the next time you will be reunited in each other’s arms offers an astronomical amount of relief and comfort. When those in long distance relationships don’t know the next time that they will see each other, it often results in a lot of anxiety and can even lead to arguments regarding that topic. It’s also extremely important to never forget the goal of everyone in the relationship wanting to eventually live together. In order for that relationship to have a chance of succeeding, that goal needs to be kept alive throughout the relationship.

So you’re probably wondering, what activities would we engage in since we are long distance? Thankfully she and I are both huge nerds, and there are plenty of nerdy online options for us that make being in a long distance relationship much easier to handle. For starters, we both really enjoy watching TV, and movies, so we use Teleparty, and Watch2gether very often to watch YouTube videos (like Helluva Boss) or to watch shows on platforms like Disney+ and Netflix. We also both really enjoy gaming, and there are plenty of online games to choose from. We both love Dungeons and Dragons and thanks to Discord and Roll20, you can play D&D very easily! My girlfriend and I can easily manage a 8-10 hour call day if it’s mixed with different ways of nerding out, and trust me there are plenty of things in 2024 to nerd out about.

Communication is one of the most important elements in every relationship, but communication in long distance needs to be twice as strong in order for the relationship to prosper. Not being able to see each other in person can be very taxing on you and your partner’s mental health, especially if someone in the relationship’s main form of love language is physical touch. This can be resolved in several different ways. Communication is key here, and sometimes it can be enough to comfort and support the other who’s main love language is physical touch. Facetime calls, or calls that involve activities can greatly help with that. Another option is perhaps trying out an open relationship. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and maybe open relationships are worth giving a try, especially if you and your partner are very confident in each other’s trust and communication and are also willing to try something new. Open relationships aren’t for everyone though, so don’t feel pressured into one if you’re not fully comfortable with the idea! One last element that can really help with those whose main love language is physical touch is something that I mentioned earlier. Knowing the next time you will see each other in person relieves physical touch lovers incredibly. So once again, ALWAYS know the next time that will be!

What do you think? Do you think that long distance relationships are worth trying out? Do you think you could ever see yourself trying out a long distance relationship? If you think you can see yourself trying it out, or hey maybe you’re already in one, then make sure to never stop working towards removing the “long distance” title from your relationship. It’s meant to be temporary (unless you actually prefer to keep it long distance then hey to each their own!) Don’t let anyone tell you that long distance doesn’t work. There are plenty of long term relationships that started out as long distance. Honestly sometimes it can even act as an interesting hurdle to see if your relationship can jump across. If you truly love your partner, or even just have a small crush on them, don’t let the distance stop you. Life is full of challenges and risks, and long distance relationships can definitely be a bumpy ride, but they can pay off with a beautiful reward in the end.