What Success Looks Like When Dealing With Depression (Jasmine)
Success can be a tough subject for anyone battling depression. I have found this to be true through my own fight with depression. I am writing about this in the hopes it will help someone who is struggling through what I face daily. Let me start by saying that what I share here today are all my personal experiences and triumphs, but I want each reader to know that I have both great days and tough days regardless of what I am about to share. It’s a process, each day has its battles and being patient with yourself is key when dealing with depression.
My Story
I have struggled with Depression and GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) for as long as I can remember. I have also been quite critical of myself my whole life. This has made it very difficult for me to see my own progress. It has also meant I have never been happy with my progress; it is never fast enough or impactful enough in my eyes. I constantly compare myself and my progress to those around me. This has been a big disruption in my life and a big contributor to my negative self-image. I can work hard at something, put my all into it and still feel that it is not enough. Here’s an example of that.
I started a small business towards the latter end of the 2020 lock down. My motivations had simply been:
I had lost my job in the beginning of that year, as many people had, due to small businesses not being able to stay afloat.
I had been hired to do the same job by almost every employer I had previously worked for.
There was suddenly a need for what I had to offer.
Starting a business is no easy task, but I was determined to do something I could feel good about, after almost a year of being stuck at home with no escape from my depression. I worked hard and did what I needed to and for a good while I was really motivated to keep working at it. After a few months, however, my attitude towards my work begun changing, because I wasn’t progressing the way I had wanted to. I instantly blamed myself! “Surely it was my fault, I didn’t do something right, my progress was poor…” The list went on and on with reasons I had decided must be the truth behind my lack of success. My depression did me no favours during that time at all and soon my depression was feeding my self-criticism and my criticism was feeding my depression (the dreaded never-ending loop). I struggled to get out of bed most days and I began procrastinating whenever I did manage to get out of bed.
This went on for a long time, until I was reminded about the following:
Businesses take time to grow, even under the best of circumstances.
We are in the middle of a pandemic that has left so many people jobless or unable to hire any external help.
I started a business during the damn pandemic!
A Change of Perspective
I started to get a better perspective of my situation. I had been expecting a lot from myself under the least ideal circumstances possible. This gave me a little hope, but I still had plenty of rough days. I tried keeping this perspective in the forefront of my everyday work. Having this on my mind also changed my perspective a bit with regards to my depression and feeling unsuccessful in so many areas in my life.
Depression is a lot like the situation I was in when I was trying to build a business in those tough circumstances. Depression brings its own set of difficulties and obstacles we must face; unideal circumstances. “Shouldn’t it be true that progress should be measured differently when battling depression then? “ I thought about this question a lot and I eventually realised that the answer is yes! Undoubtedly yes. We cannot expect ourselves to function at a level that we could only achieve if we were in the ‘ideal situation’, because we are not. Therefore, we should realign our expectations of ourselves based off our current environment.
Success Looks Different Each Day
This realisation has been a big help in my life. Yes, I still have many days filled with self-criticism and feeling like I am a failure (In all honesty today is one of those days). However, I try to remind myself that success looks different for me, as it does for everyone. I remind myself that some days success looks like:
Getting out of bed or
Eating a healthy meal or
Drinking water or
Getting a piece of work done or
Finishing the draft of the work or
Making a list or
Changing out of your PJ’s
Success doesn’t always have to be a big task being completed. It is directly proportional to your abilities each day. So, one day your success might be a huge accomplishment and other days it’s a different type of accomplishment. Either way it is important to acknowledge YOUR win. It is equally important to avoid comparing your progress to anyone else’s, because your experience is different.
Focus on the Things You Have Accomplished
I took a long break from my small business; it was not yielding enough money for the work I had to put in and I needed to find something that was going to provide the income I needed. This decision on occasion had felt like I was ‘giving up’ on what I had started. Each time I have that thought, I must remind myself that that is not the case. That I have not failed. It is difficult not to focus on the things we have not done or completed. This is where we need to redirect our perspective. Yes, I did not continue to do “X”, however I stopped because I needed more time:
To rest
For a different task/commitment
To get healthy again
To sleep
To work on myself
To function
To get through life because life can be difficult
We need to stop focusing on the negative and rather see the accomplishment in the situation. Focus on what you have been able to accomplish in that time. Regardless of whether that was 1 thing or 7 things. Regardless of the magnitude of the accomplishment, because sometimes it is just about making it through the day. Sometimes the accomplishment to focus on is the fact that you are alive.
Depression is no easy battle to face. You are a solider each day when you live with depression. Give yourself the respect and support you deserve for what you are facing. Sometimes that can be difficult to do, and you need that external motivation and love. I have found that support and love from Letters Against Depression (LAD). I have been recieving handwritten letters from the LAD family for a good few years now (maybe 3 or 4 years) and truthfully they have made such a big impact in my life.
If you are feeling down and need support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here at Letters Against Depression if you haven’t already. We send letters of hope and support to those who need someone there for them. You can request to receive letters here.