Letting Go the Judgement of Strangers (Ciera)
It must have been many years ago now when I first heard a saying along the lines of: “Don’t listen to the judgement or opinions of those who don’t truly know you”. And in all honesty, when I first heard it, it sounded way too utopian and impossible, as well as highly assumptive.
If I could just “not listen” to others when harsh or incorrect judgement is being passed, would I not be doing that already?
I also battled with the conflict of not knowing whether the saying aligned with me in the sense of arrogance. Surely, to an extent, we *should* listen to others in these regards as to ignore the opinions of those around us would be rude and a form of placing ourselves upon a pedestal? My younger self, who desperately wanted to people-please, didn’t want to ignore what others had to say. Moreover, she simply couldn’t.
Oftentimes I became a doormat for the feet of those with little more to voice than degrading words for the sake of exerting power. If I believed someone didn’t like me, I’d obsess over it or seek to avoid them. If it seemed as though I had done something “wrong”, to the detriment of myself I would try to make things right. I was a slave to the perception that I perceived others perceived of me: a paradox.
It wasn’t until I got older that I realised the true importance of strategically learning not to care – to acknowledge that, in some circumstances, people will think or say whatever they want and to attempt to alter their incorrectness isn’t usually a battle worth pursuing.
I don’t believe that being “carefree” or not caring at all is logical or, in most cases, possible – and this is likely for the best. Even in scenarios such as dealing with the judgement of strangers, it’s good to maintain a sense of care about the scenario as it allows us to better empathise with ourselves amid the situation. However, learning to “care less” or, better phrased, distance yourself from the irrationality of ill-informed judgement, is a highly necessary form of self care and self love.
It still hurts me when I hear rumours or feel people pass judgement about me, but it doesn’t leave me crippled in the ways it did before. I find it simultaneously kind of sad yet funny now when it happens. It’s sad because humanity shouldn’t be tearing one another apart, yet it’s mildly humorous too as, in setting out to spread hurt or show someone else in a bad light, all it truly shows is the bad light of the instigator.
Life can make letting go difficult, even if what you’re letting go of is only an opinion or judgement from someone previously unknown to you. Yet, in learning to let their words wash over you instead of penetrating your character and peace, you can flip the narrative from one of hate to one of gratitude.
The misjudgement from others reminds me to be grateful that I’m not like them, and to ensure that people of their kind of character remain out of my social circle.
You deserve to live a life surrounded by people who uplift you and see your worth – a worth that cannot be altered by someone who never saw it in the first place. The next time you catch a sneer or overhear an off-colour remark, remember that you will always be so much more.
If you are feeling down and need support in a judgement free zone, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here at Letters Against Depression if you haven’t already. We send letters of hope and support to those who need someone there for them. You can request to receive letters here.