Overcoming Regret & Finding Peace (Alexa)
Regret rushes someone with all kinds of emotions that weigh them down with guilt, shame, sadness, emptiness, and more. The hardest thing to do is to find peace with the regret you have. It’s a battle of having to deal with chances or situations we won't get back and looking for the freedom to let yourself be in the present. So, I have written a guide to overcoming regret and finding peace, both to myself and to whomever this may be helpful.
The Struggle of Always Looking Back in the Past
I constantly judge myself and overanalyze everything I do or have done in situations or what their outcomes were. There is this fixation on repeating in my mind over and over and over again the things I wish I did better, and it doesn’t make me feel any better. So why do I do it? I think I just hope that if I knew what to have done better I could fix how I could be in the future.
But the looming feeling that I messed up on certain occasions where I felt as if I knew I could have done something different haunts me. In my personal experience, it affects and well worsens my social anxiety because of it, mainly because I have this idea that the way people perceive me is constantly in a negative judging way. But staying in the what if? Now, that is only going to worsen your mental health. It has destroyed me before, but all you and I can do now is focus on how we can heal.
Focus on the Present
The hardest thing to do with regret is to let it go; it isn’t an easy process to move on from situations that could have been avoided or rolled out differently. Although it isn’t healthy to hold onto the things we cannot change, especially when they have negative emotions attached to them. It can also be especially hard for those who are already dealing with mental illness, like depression, because there is a tendency to see more things through a negative lens. This can lead them to be consumed with even more regret.
To see things in a more positive light, we must focus on the present, on the moments we are already living in. The time we are living through matters the most because by focusing on the present, we can experience, learn, and really connect with ourselves and others more.
Epictetus
Epictetus was a Greek philosopher. His big idea is that to live a life of freedom, we need to stop worrying about the things that are not in our circle of control or influence. So, if you cannot control something (in our case, the past) there is no need to worry over something you cannot change. This type of philosophy personally helps me cope with my anxiety, sort of a way to calm myself from stressing over the things that are not in my control. However, this way of thinking is like a practice, since overcoming our stressors does not happen overnight.
Practicing Gratitude
I know this may be redundant to some people and can seem like a wishy-washy approach. However, practicing to remind yourself of the little things that are good in your life is a healthy habit to move positively. Every time I feel myself returning to the guilt and shame I feel from the things in the past, I try to start thinking of what has been good in my life recently. Practicing seeing the good things currently happening can help with the process of moving forward and overcoming regret.
Last Note
Seeking help is always an amazing thing, whether requesting a letter or seeking therapy; getting to open up about your struggle and having someone listen to you is an amazing release.