Managing Relationships With People When You Both Struggle With Mental Illness (River)
As someone who has struggled with mental illness for years, I often find myself surrounded by people with similar struggles. This is quite common, as people tend to seek out and feel closer to others who have similar experiences to us. So, how can you manage these relationships without letting them worsen your own struggles?
Most people can relate to the experience of having a friend or partner who is often in a negative mood and broadcasts that in a way that seems to bring the mood of everyone around them down. Many times, this isn’t because the person is rude or hateful; it's just because they are dealing with their own issues which sometimes present themselves outwardly. While it's important to be there for our friends who are struggling, it is also important to not let that negatively impact you.
Understanding Mental Illness in Relationships
Whether you have a romantic or platonic relationship with someone, it is essential to understand and discuss each other's mental health challenges. Open communication in this way can help bring you closer together and understand each other as a person better. While you might not be impacted by the same mental illness or impacted in the same way, it can still help to foster empathy and compassion if you discuss the different ways you are affected by it.
Open communication is a very important aspect of any relationship, so when you both struggle with mental illness, it can be very helpful to be able to talk about it with each other. It is crucial that you create a safe space in which both of you feel comfortable sharing these things with each other. This doesn’t mean letting them tell you whatever they want or stepping into a therapist role for your friends who are struggling. Instead, it means to discuss your boundaries, needs, and triggers. Create a dynamic that works for both of you, so you each have a safe space where you can discuss what you are feeling without the fear of judgment.
Also, make sure to practice active listening. Don’t just sit there while they tell you what's wrong, but actually listen and validate their feelings while allowing them to do the same for you. This can help to strengthen your bond and lessen conflicts in your relationship.
Navigating Conflict
While creating a safe space in your relationships can help to lessen conflicts, it will not completely eliminate them. Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, so it is important to know how to deal with it. When you are aware of each other’s internal struggles, it can help you to be more compassionate and understanding towards each other when situations escalate. Recognize when they are mistreating you due to their own struggles. This doesn’t mean to excuse any negative actions because of their mental illness, but take it into account when dealing with those actions.
Practice patience and stepping away from the situation during conflicts. It can also be helpful to use “I” statements to describe how you are feeling in disputes rather than blaming your emotions on their actions. When you keep these strategies in mind, it can help you to resolve conflicts in a more peaceful and timely manner while also strengthening your connection.
Seeking Help Together
When you have close relationships with people who are also struggling, it can be very supportive to seek help together. Asking for help with your mental illness can often be scary or confusing, so it can be very beneficial to have someone you are doing it with. Many people also feel shame asking for help with managing mental illness, so having someone do it with you can help to reduce this.
Seeking help can come in a variety of different forms. This can include finding a therapist, going to therapy appointments together, celebrating small victories, practicing self-care together, and many more strategies. Most importantly, work together to figure out what works best for each of you. Everyone handles their issues differently, so finding ways to manage them that actually help you is very important. Also, make sure to keep in mind that not everyone copes and heals in the same way. Respect each others’ journeys and needs and understand that they may not be identical.
Recognizing When Relationships Are No Longer Beneficial
While all of these strategies can help to create healthier relationships, they only work if both parties are doing them. However, you can not control what the other person is willing or able to do. Don’t let yourself fall into a situation where you are always working to help them with their mental illness challenges while they do not provide the same for you. A relationship should be 50/50, meaning you are both there for each other in your times of need.
If you find yourself in a relationship that does not have this balance, you need to address it. Talk to the person about how you feel and what you want to be getting out of the relationship. However, sometimes this does not help, and the person will continue to not be there for you while you do everything for them. If this is the case, it may be time to let that relationship end. While this may sound scary or sad, sometimes it is necessary for your happiness in the long run.
You don’t need to completely cut them out of your life or be on bad terms with them, but taking time apart can always be helpful. Be open about the ways the relationship is negatively impacting you without blaming them. Explain that this relationship may not be the healthiest for either of you right now. If you do this, it makes it possible for you to revitalize the relationship further down the line.
In Conclusion
While managing relationships with mental illness may seem overwhelming or frightening, it can also have many positive effects if you both put in the effort. It can help strengthen your bond and understanding of each other, lessen conflicts, and give you both a safe space to talk about how you are feeling and what you are struggling with.
Everyone’s journey is unique, and it is important to be aware of this when managing these relationships, both to respect each other’s processes and be aware of when a relationship is no longer beneficial to one or both of you. With commitment and continued efforts to understand each other, you can create life-long bonds that help both you and the people you share them with deal with mental illness.
If you are feeling down and need support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here at Letters Against Depression if you haven’t already. We send letters of hope and support to those who need someone there for them. You can request to receive letters here.
Hi, I'm River, I’m 19 and currently alternating living in Westchester, NY and Burlington, VT. I love being in nature, whether it be hiking, going to the beach, going on bike rides, hammocking, or more! I also love animals, spending time with friends, really any medium of art (especially trying new ones!), Its Always Sunny, interior design, and trying new things/going new places!