Dealing With Inauthenticity From Others (Itisha Sehdev)
When you’re in a community or situation where you feel the people around you are being “fake” or inauthentic, it can influence us and just throw us off. Whether it’s a strong personality, hyperbolic stories, or otherwise, sometimes you just don’t get a good feeling regarding someone. To say it simply, it can be challenging to hold onto your true identity when others surrounding you are doing anything but that. We all learn about each other through conversation and interaction, where our brain catches subtle cues and nuances to understand other people’s personalities and motivations (to an extent, of course). When in conversation with anyone, if we notice something off or strange, we tend to hyperfixate on it and think about the sincerity of this person’s character.
As someone in high school, a place filled with a variety of personalities, I’ve been in a situation or two where I doubt the authenticity of a person. And, to be fair, I understand it’s no easy feat to embrace who you are - especially at an age where, who really knows who they are? Regardless, it can be overwhelming and exhausting to be surrounded by “fake” people. It’s rough, in certain ways, to constantly be surrounded by unreal energy. It can make you doubt your own, it can make you hate the people or circumstances. At the very least, it could just ruin your day. That being said, I’ve learnt over time, and am still learning, that there are ways to make sure others’ authenticity (or lack thereof) does not affect you.
For one, recognize that authenticity is a skill. It takes time to master it, and it comes easier to some than others. Showing up as yourself, unashamed, takes a lot of work and effort. If you possess this skill and others are still getting there, it shouldn’t tamper with your progress or that part of yourself. Stand strong in who you are and maybe, just maybe, people end up following your journey!
Secondly, it’s important to not take their difficulty personally. Sometimes, a person’s subtleties are not quite so subtle, and it’s easy to take it in an offensive manner. Things can be misunderstood or taken a certain way to be perceived as insulting, rude, or generally just uncomfortable. At the end of the day, though, you should remember that their inauthenticity is likely a reflection of issues they have with themselves, and has nothing to do with you. Therefore, just don’t take anything too seriously or in a bad way: everyone’s got work to do, and everyone’s got a million different things in their head - don’t let overthinking get to you.
Lastly, put yourself in their shoes. Though of course there are limits, it’s important to show compassion at times to people who are on their own path of self discovery and self acceptance. Give them the patience you had to give yourself in order to get to where you are. It’s a hard thing to do, embracing your authentic self. With the distinction that no one is being disrespectful to you, don’t waste your breath trying to figure out whether or not this person is authentic - focus on the fact that you are.
In conclusion, we have our whole lives to deal with inauthenticity around us. Not everyone is going to be on the same wavelength as you, and it’s important to gain the habit of not letting it bother you. If you are confident in yourself, then how others are behaving - real, fake, a little bit of both - shouldn’t affect your mindset and your self worth. Live and let live! If you ever need to talk it out, feel free to reach out to LAD and request a letter! Let’s all support each other to be our best, true selves, and live our best, true lives :)