From Books to Breakdowns: The Struggle of Burnout (Aleiyah Aguero)

As I write this, I have around 10 tabs open on my computer and my Notes App to-do list is packed until mid-October. Don’t even get me started on how overbooked my Google Calendar is. I have about 4 to-do lists, divided by area of life (work, LAD, clubs, etc.), and 2-3 calendars organized in a similar fashion. Today, I have 3 classes, an important phone call, many administrative tasks to complete, as well as a need to plan for personal appointments and social outings with friends. I cannot begin to tell you how overwhelmed I feel with the amount of things I need to do each day in order to be considered a functional member of society, with this stress ultimately leading towards a lack of energy for relaxation and impending burnout.

Considering it is now the beginning of my junior year of college, it is to be expected that I will have a lot on my plate. I knew this while preparing over the summer, spending time researching my classes and engaging in casual writing in order to stay in a productive headspace. But, now that the school year is here, I am still feeling stretched thin over the impenetrable mountain of tasks I have to get done on a daily basis. If you find yourself relating to my struggle, then you are not alone--especially during this time of year.

Even though I spend most of my time responding to emails, doing homework, and other work-related tasks, I often find myself “behind,” according to my self-ascribed standards of productivity. Even after spending hours reading class material for one course, I realize that it is past midnight and that I still have homework for another class. Not only does this contribute to my stress and lack of sleep, but I tend to either end up behind during lecture or putting in half-effort to get work done.

Personally, I put a lot of pressure on myself to overachieve--I’ve found that, my entire life, I have based my self worth and esteem on my achievements and efficiency. But I know that this is an unhealthy measure of value, especially as I grow older and my life becomes more chaotic. I can’t help but still feel disappointed in myself when I cancel plans so that I can rest, but I also try to recognize that that rest was clearly needed. After completing my required tasks all day, I often favor rolling around in bed over hanging out with friends or engaging in hobbies, an experience that I am sure is relatable to many. While seeing friends and socializing is a good way to destress after a long day, it can also feel draining both physically and mentally.

The social pressures only grow from there. As a college student, it is very common to see others overbooking themselves due to not only the sheer amount of things to tend to on campus, but the unspoken expectation to be attending every event without issue as well. There is a lot of pressure to stay on top of things, to do your best, and to do everything in a timely manner. But, it gets to a point where everything that currently feels overwhelming eventually starts to feel pointless, as the lack of energy you have after balancing so much for so long starts to boil over.

The burnout experienced with neurodivergence only exacerbates this issue. As someone who has only recently begun to identify as neurodivergent and initiate a treatment plan, I have come to realize that my energy-to-burnout ratio is unsustainable. I am often stuck in the depths of executive dysfunction due to feeling so overwhelmed with work that I end up doing nothing at all. While this topic is coming to the forefront, especially due to the wonderful and transparent work done by neurodivergent content creators, it is still a stigmatized issue that many employers or supervisors do not understand, ultimately adding stress onto an already stressful situation.

I recognize that our LAD community is composed of people from all walks of life from all across the world, meaning that we all may be at different points in life. Some are going back to school, others may be beginning a new job, and some may just be adjusting to the seasonal transition from summer to fall. Regardless, I recognize that September is often a period of massive change and sudden workload, and that can be difficult to handle. When you have gotten used to relaxing over the summer months and now suddenly must kick into high gear, finding the motivation and spark that pushes you forward can feel impossible. As frustrating as it is, this feeling is very common, and it is okay to recognize the fact that life is hectic. While it is inevitable, it is still hard. And that is okay.

Another problem I have confronted recently is that, with the personal activities I do find time to engage in, a lot of my energy and time for work become limited. After coming home from my softball game last night, I was utterly exhausted and on the verge of passing out. All I had eaten yesterday was some garlic bread due to being engrossed in homework, so by the time I got home, I was jittery and tired. After finally eating and taking a shower, I had lost 4 hours total that could have been spent doing work. BUT--despite my exhaustion, I got to do an activity I enjoyed, and I am slowly learning to look at my hobbies as ways of destressing and disconnecting from work, rather than viewing them as obligatory tasks.

Despite all of these compounding struggles…not all hope is lost. Something that brings me a level of solace in these moments of overwhelm is knowing that many others are going through a chaotic period similar to mine. Being a college student, I look around at my peers in the classroom and on campus and I see the amount of work that they are doing on their computers while half-listening to our lecture. Some are booking flights, others are catching up on homework for other classes, and others are simply playing CoolMathGames as a way to de-stress. I find all of these people’s experiences relatable, as they serve as reminders that I am not the only one with a packed calendar and a million responsibilities to tend to.

While there isn’t a quick fix for this problem, since burnout and exhaustion are usually something that come back around every year, it is relieving to know that there are many out there just like me, making the adjustment back to campus, or back to work, or just back into productivity mode. We are all going through this surge in work and expectations, and while it may not solve the problem, it does relieve the burden of feeling like the world is crashing down on you. In the moments where I feel incredibly overwhelmed and unmotivated, I try to remind myself of this, and then work towards focusing my energy onto recuperating my well being. Even if I do not have the energy to run a nice bath or light a candle, I encourage myself to move into a headspace of calmness and detachment, especially when I find myself edging closer to my breaking point. Sometimes, you have to force yourself to leave your work and administrative duties in the outside world, and to treat your living space as a safe haven where responsibilities are left at the door. Taking a moment to recenter yourself, to remind yourself that there is more to life than this stress, and looking forward to happier, more relaxed times is helpful in crawling out of a spiraling mental space. These moments do not last forever and it is incredibly important to remind yourself of that.

And, of course, the best advice I can give is to let yourself relax. A car can’t run on an empty tank. You need to spend time with yourself, engaging in things you actually enjoy doing, whether that be a hobby or simply resting, because we are all more than our jobs, obligations, and outputs. After all, we only have one life, and we do not deserve to spend it worrying about arbitrary tasks that will eventually be lost to the past. While it is easier said than done, even taking a minute away from work for yourself can make a huge difference. If you need some time away, be honest and communicate with those around you. Prioritizing your mental health will bring more good than bad, and for those who do not understand it, they are not meant to be part of your story anyway. Those who care will encourage you to relax when you need it.

All of this to say, it is okay to feel burnt out. Many people do, even if they do not openly discuss it. I am sure many members of our community are overwhelmed with the back-to-school season we are in, whether or not they are actively attending school or are simply adjusting to a new period of productivity. You do not have to have a valid reason to cancel plans or to take a break. You do not have to over-explain why you choose to lay in bed and regulate instead of hanging out with friends. Taking breaks is necessary for your health, and putting work before your own well being is not only unfair to yourself, but to those who care about you. Ultimately, the first step to dealing with burnout is accepting it and letting yourself rest--don’t push until you have nothing else left to give. Allow yourself to relax, to do things you enjoy, and to take a nap if you need it. The world will not stop spinning if you take a moment to yourself. The world can wait--your mental health cannot.