Perfectionism & Its Damage To Self Authenticity (Itisha Sehdev)
It can take a lifetime to understand and accept the fact that the entire concept of perfection is, to say it plainly, wrong. There is no world in which the most beautiful, successful, rich, kind, sociable, modest and/or confident person is considered “perfect” amongst all 8 or so billion of us. Though it can feel like a heavy weight on everyone’s shoulders to accomplish whatever ridiculous standards society decides is acceptable for the next short period of time, it is crucial that you recognize how unfair it is to judge or be unkind to yourself because of what people may or may not think. And that at the core of humanity, at the heart of our lives, is making mistakes. That is exactly what makes us human.
Pretending to be perfect, pretending to be okay… all of this is exhausting, inauthentic, and only harmful to yourself and your mental health. The first step to accepting your true self is to understand a few, very important things. For one, things are always changing: you are changing, the world is changing, the people around you in your circle are changing. The beautiful thing about our lives is that we grow, and along the way you will learn new things about yourself through the challenges you face and the mistakes you make.
Secondly, it’s important to identify your personal best. If you have specific goals (whether it be academic, work-related, physical or mental health, just for fun, etc.) then make sure they are reasonable to your life and won’t put immense amounts of stress on you. You shouldn’t be setting a goal so you can achieve someone else’s dream, or someone else’s idea of success. Find something that really means something to you, something that is attainable, and put your heart and soul into it! Figure out what you can do, and only do it if it’s something that will fulfill you.
Another unfortunate aspect of our world today is that all of our individual, self perceived flaws can accumulate over time and drain us just by thinking about them. However, there are ways to reframe your view on them. For instance, for every “issue” you have with yourself, balance it with something you like about yourself. Stop comparison to anyone and everyone, because that gets in the way of any sort of self love or authenticity. And perhaps most importantly, be kind to yourself: remind yourself that you are unique and great, embrace your flaws and remember that quite literally nobody is perfect!
Now, as for mistakes. This is tricky because of course nobody enjoys feeling like they slipped up, or let anyone down. I wish there was some easy solution, or maybe even a world where no one ever makes mistakes, but there isn’t. There is, on the other hand, a process:
Understand your mistake. Why did you make it? Were you rushing, were you under too much pressure? Take the time to get to the core of the problem, and figure out why this mistake happened - as well as why it’s bothering you so much.
Take the time to express your feelings. There is absolutely zero reason for you to keep your emotions bottled up, and it has never helped a single person feel better. Whether this means talking to a friend, spending time on self reflection alone, or just being sad for a little while, feel. Feel it all, because that’s the only way to eventually move on in a healthy manner.
Accept the mistake, and learn from it. How can you make sure you don’t do it again, or how can you make sure you don’t fall into an old pattern? How can you grow from this experience? There is always a reason, so identify it and move on! Take it light heartedly and don’t let it weigh you down forever.
Ultimately, perfectionism is the thief of any hope of joy, authenticity, or a positive self esteem. It can take a while to get there, but I hope everyone will understand just how useless it is to try and be anyone but yourself. You are amazing just the way you are, and “perfect” is an impossible ambition. If you ever feel doubt or negativity to your authentic self, I encourage you to request a letter from LAD! I’m sure you will find comfort in the words of our letter writers. In the meantime, remember how important it is to be you. Live a life without the expectations of anyone. And make mistakes :)