The Struggles of Trying to “Fit In” (Itisha Sehdev)
As a teenager in high school, the ideology of fitting in is one I’ve become quite familiar with. While school may not revolve around the dramatic cliques that are portrayed in movies, there is still a constant notion in everyone’s mind that we have to conform to whatever sort of standard is being pushed by the most popular kids, the ones everyone aspires to be. Whether it’s body characteristics, personality traits, what hobbies you enjoy, or what music you listen to, there is always some way people (or your inner thoughts) can make you feel that you don’t “fit.”
I know that when I was a freshman, it was overwhelming to be in a school filled with people I didn’t know; people who would be different, people who wouldn’t all like the same things as me, people who wouldn’t even like me! And as the people pleaser I am, that bothered me a lot. During my first year of high school, I didn’t have a great group of friends, and didn’t have much confidence in the people around me or myself. I liked the idea of fitting in with others, and I constantly felt that I was anything but that. With this, I never felt content or happy with who I was. My physical insecurities amplified, my self esteem was horrible, and pretending to like or dislike things that I actually didn’t, led me to living something akin to a double life.
Going to school every day and trying over and over to be appreciated by others was damaging and degrading, especially when I didn’t even take the time to appreciate myself. I was tired of being around people who didn’t really like me - who I didn’t even really like - who did nothing but hurt my mental health. I was exhausted by my wasted efforts, and the lack of results. I then realized the flaw here wasn’t me; it was my mindset. It was this regressive system of wishing to be something I just wasn’t, some character that wouldn’t even make me happy.
The first, perhaps most important part in feeling better about your authentic self, is realizing that the entire idea of having something to fit into is nonsensical. We live in such a diverse world, filled with a plethora of personalities where each and every one of us are unique! In what way could we ever all be the same? And what are we all trying to fit into? Nothing! The whole concept of fitting in is a game we all play, when in reality there is no amount of apparent perfection that will satisfy us, because nothing is as fulfilling as embracing your authentic self. At the end of the day, even if you managed to be friends with the most popular kids, if you aren’t being who you are, you’ll never be truly happy.
Another element in being confident with your authentic self is to make sure you’re happy with the people in your life. You should have positive influences surrounding you in all kinds of relationships, people that lift you up and like you for who you are. One thing I did when I knew I wanted different peers and friends in my life, was find people with similar interests as me. I joined my school’s book club, and found people who like the same music or shows as me, etc. I also took the leap in asking people to hang out, like my hockey teammates, who I now see so often and am very close to! Joining clubs or teams is a great way to make new friends. Once I solidified friends in my life that I cared for, and I knew cared for me, I felt so much more confidence and happiness in who I was as well.
Obviously, feeling out of place is something we all experience. No one ever said self love is easy, but it is vital in order for you to be happy! In the end, what’s important is who you are and your ability to appreciate yourself. No one else’s opinion matters, and neither does the invisible box we all try to fit into.
Ultimately, trying to fit in is, to put it plainly, a waste of your energy and effort. If anything, you should be putting that time into uncovering your authentic identity! Into finding out who you are, and how you can live your best life as that person. Of course it’s a lot easier to say than to do, but just take it one day at a time and learn to love yourself. We understand that it can be difficult, and if you ever need some positivity incorporated in your life, we encourage you to request a letter from LAD! Our letter writers promote hope, support, and will undoubtedly appreciate your authentic self. Sign up any time, and we’d be happy to chat!