Belonging (SS)
To belong. To become a part of a group. To fit in with others. These are feelings that come naturally to us as humans. However, for some of us, no matter how hard we try to belong, we just never find our place. Even if others think we fit in or are a part of them, sometimes we personally don’t feel it. Perhaps it’s because your vibes don’t match, perhaps you just haven’t found the people who feel like home to you, or perhaps it’s because you prefer being alone. Either way, it’s okay. It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are normal.
I too often felt lonely and like I didn't belong, especially in my teeny-tiny school. After my best friend left and I broke up with my ex, all I wanted to do was to fit in with my other friends. A tiny school meant that there wasn’t much of a choice for friend groups, so they were pretty much my only hope. However, most of my hobbies were different from theirs, and I personally felt like I didn’t belong. I guess my self-consciousness of feeling like I didn’t belong played a role in the growing distance between me and them. Regardless, I desperately tried to become like them. Watching the tv shows they watched. Learning the dances they danced. Liking the songs they liked. But my hard work didn’t pay off… in the end, I still felt distant, perhaps even more distant than initially.
I gradually learned that I wouldn’t become a part of them no matter what I did, so I just stopped trying to belong and to become one of them. I began to embrace and focus on the things I loved and enjoyed. Became myself again and wasn’t always careful with my words around them. Once I wasn’t desperately trying to fit in anymore, I felt myself becoming closer to them. Sure, not as close as I wished, but definitely closer than when I was desperate. Why? That’s because my friends know me for who I am, not just another copy-and-paste of them. They enjoy my presence when I’m not holding back what I want to say in order to please them. They prefer the me that’s outgoing and at ease.
So rather than trying to please others, just be yourself. That way, you can attract people who actually like you for who you are, not the you who is just trying to become like everyone else. That means stop forcing yourself to be somewhere you don’t want to just because you’re afraid to miss out. Stepping out of your comfort zone and making yourself uncomfortable just because you’re desperate to belong is different. Don’t stress yourself in the hopes of finally belonging.
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