The Eating Disorder Depression Connection (Rachel)

Living Life With an Eating Disorder 

In my life two things came around the same time my battle with an eating disorder and depression. The two started at the age of 12. It was a lonely time in my life, and I did not feel like I fit at school or at home.  Restricting gave me a sense of control.  I have dealt with clinical depression since then but wasn’t diagnosed till I was 18. However, lack of nutrition due to my eating disorder made my depression worse and I was often suicidal.  My eating disorder was not diagnosed to age 19 when I hit University.  The struggle is to find the balance in recovery where I can recover from my eating disorder and recover from depression and the other mental health struggles that I have.  Over the years my eating disorder had morphed, and I have engaged in binge eating purging, laxative abuse, over exercise all in a way to numb my depression and later diagnosed bipolar disorder.  I have found the more nutrition I put in my body and the less I purge the better my mood and the better able for my meds to work properly.  

Finding ways to Cope with Eating Disorder 

Everyday is a struggle and food can be torture to eat.  Learning skills such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) can be useful in the recovery from eating disorder but can also be useful in treating depression and other forms of mental illness.  I also find distracting myself helpful for example using art, music, going for a walk but I must be care that I don’t walk to long because compulsive exercise can be an issue for me. Something that really helps me is writing letters for LAD (Letters against Depression) by doing this I am getting outside myself and focusing on other people. I can write things to others that I have trouble saying to myself. Another way to cope is using a pros/cons list for the pros/cons of engaging in an eating disorder behaviour and the pros/cons in engaging in the healthy behaviour.  Another technique is using a Behavioural Chain Analysis in which one analyses the behaviour and see how you can change it next time. Another technique is using a thought record in which you challenge your thought process. These techniques can also be used for depression and other mental illnesses. 

Depression and Eating Disorders

Depression and eating disorders go together. When you are malnourished then you are more likely to develop depression but when you restore your weight some people do get out of the depression whereas other people have clinical depression and need some extra help. I’ve struggled with depression and my eating disorder since I was 12 and the two go hand and hand. The less I eat the worse my depression gets. The more I binge and purge the worse my depression gets.  Having said all this there is hope.  As I work on my eating disorder symptoms and work on recovery my depression symptoms get better as well. Nutrition is an important part of eating disorder recovery, but it is also an important part of Depression recovery as well.  It’s a catch 22 if you struggle with depression and an eating disorder the worse the depression gets the worse the eating gets and visa versa. It is a terrible cycle to be in and hard to get out of. However, there is hope. Medications can be helpful in depression though don’t work properly if one is super underweight or malnourished. So, it is essential to get enough nutrition in as well in the process of recovery.  As with Depression recovery, eating disorder recovery is a one day at a time journey.  One meal at a time as I like to say.  It is a hard journey, but it is worth it. Recovery is worth it. 

Positive Quotes and Recovery 

“When the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly”. This is my favourite quote because it represents transformation. That even in the darkest moments they’re in hope for new life.  When I was in eating disorder inpatient treatment when I was 19 when we left, we all made butterflies and hung them on the ceiling it was beautiful.  Another quote that helps me move forward is. “When you rearrange the letters in DEPRESSION, you’ll get I PRESSED ON! Meaning your current situation is NOT your final destination <3 “No matter how depressed I get, and I’ve had several suicide attempts there is still hope.  I am so grateful to be alive these days.  I am grateful to be in recovery from my eating disorder today. I am still newly in recovery or what they call partial remission as the recovery process takes time, but I have hope that I will continue down this journey and move forward. 

I am so grateful to LAD:  Letters Against Depression. (Lettersagainst.org) as it has really helped me in my recovery, I have received letters which have helped me just at the right time and, I write letters and I find it helpful to me and amazing distractions after I eat to calm my anxiety and prevent myself from purging.  It is a way to get out of my head and focus on other people. If you are struggling with Depression or any other mental illness, I would suggest signing up for Letters Against Depression to receive or send letters or both. Though personally I get more out of writing letters. It has given by a higher purpose that even when I currently am off work for eating disorder treatment I can still right letters and volunteer.