New Year, Same Me (Kim)

January 1

I wake up and open my eyes. I think, "New Year = New YOU."

I look at my wall. It is adored with color coded stickies, each detailing a goal for the year. There are just about 40 different goals. Some range from the simple "max out retirement savings" to the harder "meet with friends monthly."

I roll over and look at my floor. I see stacks of books on my rug. They are for my "read one book a week" goal. 

I rush to the bathroom, so I can pee. I see my hair brush, tooth brush, and floss by the side of the sink. Easier to hit my "Brush Daily, even when depressed" goal when the materials are neatly laid out and in reach.

My notifications ding. It is a reminder to start my morning workout on my favorite app (which also does yoga, stretching, meditation, dance, and so many other things besides workouts). I start a 10 minute stretch routine. Even if it doesn't get my blood going, it's still better than nothing at all.

Throughout the day I may try my hand at a few other goals. Perhaps I will journal. Maybe I will reach out to a professional acquaintance. There's always a chance I will check in on how my own skills are doing and determine if I need to take some continuing ed (the down fall of any working professional)

OR

Maybe I will scroll on my phone for 2 hours.

Maybe I'll do it while I eat a quick dinner, with the TV going and 10 unanswered messages in my texts. Maybe I'll go to bed too late after reading reddit. And maybe, just maybe, I'll spend my night the way I have been doing for the last three years.

Because even if I want to be a "new me," I am the same me. I am still someone who is trying their best at the tasks they have set out for themselves. I am still someone who understands that large tasks take time and small steps matter.

I will still be forgetful and run late on projects. I will aim to post blogs in January but end up writing them in March :) I will work on seeing my friends monthly but maybe only see them two or three times a year due to work conflicts. I will aim to read, but get side tracked by news on my phone. I will aim to work out, and settle for a stretch, because it is still better than nothing. 

I will continue to be who I want to be. Someone who is kind, caring, and thoughtful. Someone who tries to do what is recommended, but may stumble along the way. Someone who has really good intentions, but maybe not the best follow through. 

I will continue to be someone surrounded by generous and encouraging people, who want to support me on my journey the way I want to support them. I will laugh, eat too much, and indulge in activities that maybe aren't the healthiest. I will stay out too late, spend too much, and maybe have regrets. 

But I don't want to be a new me. Because the me I am is a perfectly imperfect version of me. And if I were entirely new, would I still be me?

No.

So, if you are thinking "New Year, New ME!" That is great! I am happy for you and wish you all the success! If you are thinking that resolutions are overdone, I support that too! And if you are joining me as you are - someone who maybe needs to make some changes but is just out there trying to live life to the best of your ability - I applaud your efforts and think we should get together and have a chat sometime!

This year is to YOU - and whatever version of yourself you are trying to be!

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