Focusing on the People Who Matter (Anh-Thu)
“Don’t care what people think of you” is a phrase I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard at some point in our lives. As humans, we’re all insecure about different things, but most of us are probably worried about how others perceive us. I know I’ve fallen into this trap. I’ve let opinions from peers, officer elections, and even social interactions that were completely normal affect the way I view myself. What I’ve learned is that it’s not about disregarding people’s opinions entirely. After all, we’re human, and we rely on each other for accountability, to ensure that we’re being kind, thoughtful members of society. The question is who to listen to.
The first story I will tell is a trauma dump about my marching band experiences. I was made a captain in band when I was young, only a sophomore, and much younger than the rest of the captains. So of course they hated me. They jumped at the chance to exclude me from anything and everything, even going so far as to manipulate me into turning down an opportunity to get receive an award (captains switch off to receive awards on behalf of the entire band). The next year, a similar awards exclusion happened, resulting in my complete breakdown. But when that happened, I had people. One of my best friends called down another ally to support me, and a few friends teamed up to buy me coffee to cheer me up. In that moment, I realized the people who mattered weren’t the insecure seniors desperate to cling to what they had at the expense of a younger leader. The people who mattered were the people who chose to be there.
The last story I’ll tell is the tale of Speech and Debate officer elections. I looked up to so many of the Speech presidents that I wanted to be a president myself, but unfortunately I did not get the position. The thing that hurt the most was that people I looked up to were making the decision, and instead of telling me directly why they made their decision, they told other people. I found out indirectly through various sources that I was viewed as not having enough “presence” and “chemistry” (still not quite sure what they meant, but I interpreted it as likability). For a long time, this bothered me. I took their words completely to heart because they were echoing insecurities I had always had of not belonging, not being enough for people. In the end though, I had a ton of people ready to reassure me during that time. People who I never expected to be there showed up and reminded me of the impact I had on others as a leader, that one comment only a few people said shouldn’t make me forget it all. People who have always been there and continue to be there reminded me of my genuine nature and my resilience no matter what life threw at me. Eventually I learned that the people who secretly believe you’re inadequate but will refuse to tell you that directly are not the people you should listen to. Instead, the people who matter are the people who will be honest with you and believe in you no matter what.
All in all, I’ve learned quite a bit about people in high school. If there’s anything I want people to take away, it’s that what people say about you is often more a reflection of them than you. People themselves are insecure and love to project those on others. The people who you should listen to are the people who will give constructive criticism to help you and lift you up whenever you need it. Everyone else? Treat them like fish swimming away from you in a vast ocean because there will be other fish in the sea who swim toward you because they love you. The people who matter are the people who care.
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