SELF LOVE ISN'T SELFISH (I know, I googled it!) (Kim)
A lot of times we are told to put others first. Our social contract says we should help others. We should be kind and courteous. We should be helpful and do it with a smile. We don't know what others are going through so be kind to everyone you meet.
But.... what about you? Are you kind and courteous to yourself? Do you stop and pause to think about what you are going through and the support you need? Are you kind to yourself?
Self love isn't selfish. Putting yourself first isn't wrong. Airplanes know this better than anyone. If you get on a fight they demonstrate how you are supposed to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others around you. That is a great analogy for everyday life.
How are you supposed to help others when you are not helping yourself? How can you be there to support others in their time of need when you don't support yourself? Self care is not selfish. Self care is a REQUIREMENT for living a healthy life.
What is self care? Dictionary.com states self care is "the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress."
What is stress? Stress is a killer. It lowers our ability to think cohesively, lowers our energy levels, alters our personalities, raises our blood pressure, and ruins our sleeping and eating habits.
What can you do about it? Well, basically, anything you want. The most important thing is checking in with yourself and seeing what you need at the moment. It can be hard to think long term in a crisis. Stepping back and asking yourself "What do I really need to get through this" is essential.
The good news here is that the basics stay the basics for a reason. Proven methods to support self care are all around us. How are you sleeping? Have you eaten anything and hydrated? Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Ok. How do you feel?
After that, engage in activities which you enjoy. There is no shortage of options. Call a friend, go for a walk/ride/bike, paint, journal, sing, dance, be alone, be with others, bake, eat, drink, shop, create, destroy. Whatever you need for YOU is what matters here.
Then, set some of those boundaries you keep hearing about. I will be the first to tell any volunteer at LAD that spreading oneself too thin is not beneficial. As much as I want to spend all my time working and creating for LAD, I need to spend some time on myself. So what do I do? I schedule my meetings, check my email, and then check out. I turn off my phone, put on my fav show, grab a snack, and chill. I take time to text friends. I read. I enjoy a fun workout. I try to get to bed on time (I do not get to bed on time because I'm playing music and dancing.) I journal and breathe. Does this work for everyone? Nope. But that's ok. Not everyone is me.
Don't let anyone tell you not to take time for yourself. Burnout culture is real. Burnout culture doesn't have to be your state of being. I realize not everyone can turn off their family and work and life stressors. It's HARD out there to struggle with mental health, never ending problems, deal with finances, and still try to be there for yourself. But how would you treat your best friend when they needed you? If you thought of yourself as your best friend, would you treat yourself differently?
I do. Grace is sometimes all we need to get through. We can leave the nonsense behind. We can exit situations. We can give ourselves self care through the actions we take.
Love yourself. We certainly do.